Grant is probably getting out of surgery now. I wish I was there. Golly, I love that man!
A little while ago, I had a meeting with my NaPro doc, Doc. L, that really opened my eyes. I knew that I had gained weight since I got married and I knew that I wasn't trim before I got married and I knew that being overweight wasn't helping my chances of conceiving but I wasn't HEARING this until I stepped on the scale as Doc. L's office and I was 216 lbs. And I knew what conversation was coming; a conversation I never wanted to have. So I did something about it. I joined weight watchers and I have been working on getting healthier!
It has not been smooth sailing. I had two weeks where I fell off the band wagon. BUT, I got back on. I have lost 9.5lbs so far. I had a weight in yesterday and I lost 0.5lb. It was a little frustrating because I knew I would have lost more if I hadn't injuried my knee. It is easier to eat junk when you are in pain... and on doctor ordered rest. But I have to be proud of the 1/2 lb I did lose and I need the strength to continue on this road even when I can't move easily; even when I am in pain. It is for my baby, whoever they are.
My baby. Sometimes I just think of them as a dream... and a wispy one at that; someone off far in the distance that has almost no bearing on my life at the present moment. But so much of my time and energy is spent trying to get closer to them. I had a laugh with another friend of mine who is having fertility problems also. We were laughing because we think that a positive pregnancy test is a myth! Something they tell high school girls so they'll keep their legs crossed. I know I've never seen one and I've taken more then my fair share. That is one nice thing about charting. I know a day or two before my period if I am pregnant. I don't have to take those dream sticks right now. It is getting harder and harder to believe I will see a positive one day.
I was looking at adoption agency websites today. The fact that we are NOT called to adoption right now really hit home. The cost has always been there as a blockage before. But I read a line about looking into the couple's health and how health issues can exclude you from adoption. I thought about Grant. We both have come to terms with the fact that he isn't going to live as long as most people. The cancer enemy is more then likely going to come again and he won't be able to beat it. He is only 23 and has had cancer three times. I know that this doesn't mean for sure that we can't adopt but it does mean that until he is completely out of the water for this time, adoption isn't in the picture.
On another note, our vitamins arrived today! We will be starting them probably are Friday. At least it will feel like we are doing SOMETHING!
I got a plaque the other day to treat myself (without food) and it has a line from Cinderella on it. I have to remember this line. It is my encouraging thought for today.
"Even Miracles take a little time."
We have only been with Creighton for 6 months. There is Hope. Rejoice in the Hope.