Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The Blessings of Knowing

I am coming out of my mourning time. I realize I will always mourn for the children I can never have with my husband but my deep grieving has faded a bit. I am seeing everyday how knowing that we won't be having biological children is a great blessing. I am free to move on; to focus my energy's on other things. For example, Theology of the Body Presentations or learning to be a CrMS practioner. All beautiful options that I can completely dedicate myself to without wondering, "What will happen when I get pregnant.

I think that even though G-Man and I knew right at the beginning that we would have problems conceiving, I have been just waiting around, hoping to get pregnant. I have been avoiding getting to involved in other things, including other passions of mine, because I wanted to be prepared for when God would give us a child. I am free to focus on other things now.

This does not lessen the pain but it does clear the mind.

I have a "hope chest" that I started a little while after G-Man and I got married. It wasn't the smartest thing to do because it just served as a reminder of what we don't have. But I went through  it a couple times since we found out. I am planning a retreat to the Sisters of Life in Feb. and will be giving all these beautiful items to them as a kind of healing and letting go symbol.

G-Man and I will be continuing Creighton for my health and for the beautiful blessings it gives our marriage.

G-Man and I would pray from the beginning of our marriage, "Lord, please give us children. But not our will but YOURS be done." What a wonderful blessing for us to know God's will  and be able to accept it even when it HURTS

“God in his providence has two ways of blessing marriages: one by giving them children; and the other, sometimes, because he loves them so much, by not giving them children. I don't know which is the better blessing. In any event, let one accept his own." St. Josemaria Escriva