Thursday, February 2, 2012

Diversions

There has been a lot going on in our lives this past little while. Sometimes I just can't believe how busy our life is! We are busy until November! That's BUSY. And all of this busyness serves one great big wonderful purpose, DIVERSION. If I am busy enough I can be happier with what I have because "How would a child fit into our life? Must not be God's plan" and I run to the next thing. And when I am not working on things I am drowning my time in entertainment, like sewing, or, right now, tv shows.

But every now and then I get smacked in the face with the truth that I am running from; hiding from. We won't be having children. Most of the time this smack down comes in the form of a pregnancy announcement. And when your husband is from a large family and most are married... well, it doesn't take long. If it is not an announcement, it is a birth. Our newest addition to the family is Gabe. He is around 3 months ago. Well, another sister in law is pregnant with her third. Now, this is a beautiful thing. That is what I was telling G-Man through my tears last night as I had my melt down. I was crying because I was sad for us, though I was happy for her. Very happy actually. (She recently had a miscarriage so please pray for this little one!) But I was angry too. Because his family NEVER talks about our problems with us. Infertility is ignored. How can something that defines so much of ourselves be ignored by his family? And I like his family. That is why it hurts sometimes. I don't care if people I don't like don't care about me and my feelings. I am so tired of being forced to share in people's good times when they won't share in our bad! If you won't support us through our difficult times, why should be celebrate with you, especially when that celebration causes us pain (And you should KNOW that!)

I leave for my retreat with the Sisters of Life in a week. This is going to be my confrontation with God weekend. And I think he is preparing me already.

2 comments:

  1. I had the SAME conversation with my hubby this weekend ... it does hurt, SO MUCH, for your hubby's family to ignore your infertility. Like you said, its hard to share in their good times when they don't share your bad. SO Frustrating!
    I told my hubby that I just wish they would ACKNOWLEDGE what's going on ... send a letter, an email or something if they don't want to do it in person. Its hard to suffer in silence and hard to cover suffering up.
    I can't imagine the grieving you are going through right now, and I think its only right that they grieve right along with you. Its not the death of one baby (like a miscarriage), its a death of all the babies you planned.
    I don't mean to offend with any comments, truly, but I'm so sad and mad at families that ignore the hard stuff. My own family does the same ... maybe that is where the anger comes from :).
    You're in my prayers!

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  2. Diversions can be wonderful things...until they come to an end (and they always do, right? :( ).

    It is so hard to suffer when others around you KNOW you are in pain and choose to do nothing about it. It's pretty much the worst.

    Prayers for an awesome retreat and a great confrontation with God - lay it all out friend, He can take it! As they tell us at TOB - give it to Jesus!

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