Friday, August 28, 2015

If You Call Me To It...

This week has been difficult; not for any big reason but for many small ones. I have been reminded many times this week that the little boy I love so much is not 'mine' and may not be with me this time next year. This may be the only summer I have with him. This reality is a hard one to be reminded of. That Dare Bear may leave is a knife through my heart.

When people talk about loving adopted or foster children as their own, I always assumed that they were right but now I am living it and I'll tell you, I can't imagine loving this guy more than I do. Yet, each day I fall more in love.

This love is a conflicted love. Love wants to be around the person loved yet my love for Dare Bear may require losing him. Letting him go would be the loving thing to do. This is what foster care is, to love and lose. We knew this going in but now, as I look on his lovable face, it is personal. And I cry!

So I turn to the cross.

In Dare Bear's room there is a crucifix. I stare at it as I bounce and sway Dare Bear to sleep. Love requires losing. I am convinced that God wants us to be foster parents. I am convinced that God meant for us to be Dare Bear's foster parents. So I surrender.

If You call me TO it, you'll give me the strength to DO it! 

I rely on you, Lord. And I cry!

Jesus, I trust in You!

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