Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Desperate and Powerless

I have so much to say.

But I can't hear my own voice over the sound of the hearts that are breaking.

I can say that we are preparing to say goodbye to him again. For the third time. And I don't know how to do that. And we have been in a holding pattern for a month now, waiting to start the goodbye process, waiting to know that it is for sure this time, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

And Dare Bear holds onto me so tightly now. I can see in his face that he is starting to believe this is forever. He is starting to relax, breath, heal. He is powerless to stop strangers from deciding his life, uprooting it yet again. As are we.

No one should ever have to experience the loss that he will have experienced by the time he turns two!

And connection should come before kin.*

Prayers are most desperately needed.

*Footnote: Ideally, children would have connection with their biological extended families (kin) and be able to safely stay with them if they can't stay with their parents. BUT, if the decision is between those who a child has a deep emotional and stable connection to and those who he happens to be related to, connection has to win, for the sake of the child, especially the child who have already experienced serious trauma! This is not how the law is written. And so children end up hurt again. And again.


  1. So sorry you are going through this Caitlin. It's so difficult to love a child, as you do, and then have to send them to a messed up home. I've seen so many children go back to unfit situations. I wish the system worked more in the kids favour instead of the parents (who have proven themselves unfit).

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  3. Praying for you and Dare Bear! You both will be added to my daily prayers. <3