Dare Bear is going home.
I dropped him off for his first overnight visit this morning. Currently, I am holding my favourite PJ's on him and crying. The pain comes in waves. One minute I will be fine and the next I'll be a heaving, sobbing mess. Since the beginning of the week when we started the transition, this has been the pattern but the messy moments are getting more intense.
I don't think it needs to be said but I'll say it anyways. I love him. More than I thought possible. G-Man and I, for the first time in our marriage, have to pause before saying that we are each other's favourite person. He is that pause.
Over the next three weeks, our time with him will continue to decrease and his Mom's time with him will continue to increase until, essentially, we are only his foster parents in name. Court is set for Feb 4th. If all goes according to plan, he will go home permanently that afternoon. At that point, though I will never know what it is like to give up or loose a biological child, I will forever know what it is like to loose a child that is your heart.
He is the funnest, cuteness and most special child we have ever known. And we have known some great children. Grant has a family full of fantastic little ones and our friends have been popping out complete cuteness too. But he is the best.
The future is uncertain. I hope that Mom will stay in touch. I hope I will see him again. I hope he knows and remembers how much he is loved by us. I hope and pray that his life and his families lives stay happy, healthy and safe. Please join me in that prayer.
And please pray for us. Our hearts hurt.
(Sidenote: we have been blessed with a great relationship with his family. I am quite happy that he will not loose his mother; that he can return home. Thus, this time is extremely emotionally complicated.)