Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Re-Placed

Dare Bear's final drop off was Monday, February 15th. Court was the 18th. We could finally mourn and close the book on the hardest month of our life. Letting go of Dare Bear was the hardest thing we have ever experienced.

But the phone rang at 10am on Court Day.

There would be no court hearing. Dare Bear would be back in our care in a few hours.

Why? Well, last week serious concerns came up at the last minute so the workers decided to hit the pause button on his case. Except there is no pause button, there is only a rewind button. So that is where we are. The concerns are still there but they don't know if they're founded. Time is needed to figure out his situation.

And so we wait. Afraid to reattach, afraid not to reattach to Dare Bear. We love him. We wanted this to work out for him. Now he is back, almost to the beginning of this whole process. And so are we.

I state all of this clearly and concisely because I haven't figured out the emotional side yet.

We are not ok. Everything in us is confused. The phase I've used the most over the last 5 days is "I don't know." I don't know how we are doing. I don't know what is going to happen. I don't know how we are going to deal with all of this.

All of a sudden doing the 'duty of the moment' is a survival technique.